Wednesday, June 18, 2014

PAINTED BOOBIE WARNING: Painting of the Fallen Madonna

The painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies* was painted by the Gnomeish Painter Yiggy Van Klomp. It is thought to be a portrait of the Marrgrave Aspasia Fescennine, a twice widowed heiress who was married to two very rich, and very old, men. After the death of her second husband, she became a known patron of the arts (and it is rumoured, artists), who sponsored Van Klomp briefly before he died in a duel with another of the Margrave's suitors.

The painting was never displayed publically and was banned by the church. During the war it was siezed by resistence fighters who tried to sell it to raise funds for their cause. They clashed repeatedly with enemy soldiers and after the war, the painting again disappeared. Its whereabouts is now unknown, but with the passing of the years it has become something of a legend amoung delvers. It's rareity and the ledgends that have grown up around it make the painting very valuable to the right collector.

Rumoured Location Table (D10)
1) In the now abandoned Maldaria Lazarette, now over-run with zombies.

2) In the private collection of the Duke of Sade. It is said that he will part with it, if his conditions are met. The first condition involves two Halflings and a large tub of clotted cream...

3) Under the matress of young Finny down the mill. His hands are said to the strongest in all the land.

4) Stolen by the mad wizard Korbantic Nerrf who put it in the treasure vault of his Krazy Kastle.

5) Displayed in the secret club of young, noble twits known as the Order of Merry Rogerers.

6) In the posession of the High Prelate of the Church who hung it by the entrance to his special 'Children's Room'

7) Lost somewhere in the endless vaults of the Lyceum of Sourcery.

8) On the mystical island known as Sapphoria where it is thought to portray a particularly sexy goddess.

9) In the posession of Black Sade the piratess and captain of the dreaded ship known as Lilith's Kiss. .

10) Destroyed in the war, but another of VanKloomp's work, 'Fallen Madonna Reclining on a Bed of Sailors' is known to have been sold to the Caliph and is currently hung in his hareem's watercloset.

*I watched a lot of Allo Allo as a kid. 

No comments:

Post a Comment