A Dozen Dungeon Maladies and their Cures

[Ed note: I woke up this morning with the word 'slimefoot' in my head and inspired by the always awesome Dungeon Dozen, I came up with this list.]

Dungeons are nasty, filthy places full of molds, fungi and parasites. They lurk everywhere from the bite of monsters, to swimming in stagnant water, floating in dust and clinging to damp walls, all looking for a nice warm body in which to take root and grow. Here are a dozen, non-fatal Delving Maladies and their cures to inflict upon the irresponsible and unhygienic PC. All are magic resistant and normal Cure spells may delay or interrupt symptoms, but they can only be permanently cured via the methods described below.

D12
1 Slimefoot
This malady, caused by walking through stagnant water, causes the delver’s feet to constantly ooze a greenish-yellow slime. The slime is slightly caustic and will ruin any footwear and bedding within a week. If the character is barefoot on a slippery surface they suffer -1 to DEX, but there are no other ill effects.
Cure: encase feet in a box filled with dragon stool. The older the dragon, the less time is required to remain with the feet in the box, though 1d6 hours is minimum for ancient dragons, and 1d6 days may be required for especially immature dragons.

2 The Snargleflux
An unpleasant malady that flares up during times of stress (like combat). Under stress, the character must roll d10 every round. On a result of 1, the character can perform no action but to defend themselves, as they suffers an explosive bout of diarrhoea
Cure: A mouthful of Healing potion right when the character first notices that there will be a problem (rolled a 1). The swig also has the effect of healing 1hp, and a typical full potion will do for d4 doses. The character must take a mouthful at every occurrence (rolled 1) for d6 days to be completely cured. If they miss even a single dose, they must start again.

3 Cave Tuber Sprouts
Caused by eating undercooked dungeon-meat (giant rat, etc), this malady causes the delver’s skin to randomly develop potato-like ‘eyes’. After about a week after first appearing, these eyes will sprout small plant-like stalks that can be painlessly trimmed by the delver.
Cure: Rust Monster rust rubbed on the ‘eyes’ as soon as they appear. Requires 2d6 weeks of treatment before they stop appearing. There is a 5% chance per year of the eyes reoccurring, but once the initial treatment is applied, only requires 1d6 days treatment to clear most flare ups. The rust does not have to be fresh, but it must come from a Rust Monster.

4 Orc Mouth
The character’s natural teeth become loose and fall out. They are then replaced by snaggle-toothed fangs. The new teeth are fragile and easily broken, but they grow continually and are constantly replaced. Delver now does d4 bite damage.
Cure: Remove all teeth then massage gums nightly with a paste made from a raw, fresh osquip liver. Requires one month’s treatment and approximately 20+d10 osquips, after which time the delver’s teeth will grow back normally.

5 The Walking Frug
This neurological disorder, brought on by contact with dungeon mould causes the character to walk in a jerking, funky manner. It in no way affects the character’s movement rate, though it is distracting and impedes hide and sneaking rolls.
Cure: Powdered al-mi’raj horn, taken as snuff for 10+d20 days. Requires one horn per day.

6 The Shouts
The occasional result of contact with shrieker spoors, this disorder causes the delver to speak as loudly as possible, no matter what the situation.
Cure: One, whole Screaming Devilkin, boiled alive until simmered to a broth and drunk before allowed to cool.

7 Mossbeard
This malady causes a thick, green hair-like fungus to grow on the delver’s face, regardless of gender. If the delver already has a beard, the natural hair is replaced. Over time, the fungus will replace all the delver’s hair, starting with the head and working its way down.
Cure: a poultice made of boiled Minotaur hair and powdered horn applied to affected areas for d4 days. Cure has a 13% chance of causing a case of Furskin.

8 Furskin
This malady causes the delver to grow a thick layer of fur, the same colour as their natural hair, over their entire body.
Cure: A full-on blast from a Shocker or other electrical monster. All of the delver’s hair will fall out leaving them utterly hairless until their hair grows back in at a normal rate. There is a 10% chance that the hair will not grow back at all.

9 The Stench
The delver emits a constant, overpowering musky odour reminiscent of boiling skunk musk.
Cure: Ingesting the stink bladder of a giant-skunk, witherstench or dire-weasel. The inflicted only has a 2% per CON chance of keeping the bladder down. If the character fails to keep the bladder down, they fail to cure the malady.

10 Slugbelly
Usually contracted from drinking stagnant water, this small and otherwise benign parasite takes up residence in the delver’s stomach. It has no ill effects on the host, but roughly once a fortnight, the parasite will lay a slime covered egg-sack that the host will then pass naturally or be vomited up, usually while sleeping.
Cure: one live, purple worm larva swallowed whole. The larva will devour the parasite, but then the inflicted character must drink one full gallon of brine mixed with one complete powdered pixie to then kill the larva before it begins to burrow its way out of the host.

11 Wandering Bladder
Contracted through contact with extra-planar creatures, this malady causes the character’s internal organs (primarily the bladder) to partially shift into neighbouring dimensions. As a result, the character looses all control of their bladder, kidneys and urinary function. The system regulates itself so there is no danger of infection or further disease, but the character will remain completely incontinent for the rest of their natural life.
Cure: The displaced spleen of a displacer beast carefully prepared at the junction of two planes and ingested through a Bag of Holding.

12 Glowskin
The delver’s skin becomes coated in a thin layer of phosphorescent fungus that glows in the dark. The condition is not visible in daylight and though the delver will no longer require a torch, the glow attracts wandering monsters at twice the normal rate.
Cure: a bath in the carefully prepared remains of an ochre jelly. The delver must be completely submerged for one minute to burn away all traces of the fungus or else the condition will simply spread again. There is always at least a 10% chance that the prepared jelly remains will retain their full, acidic effect. There is no way to fully test how successful, or deadly the treatment was until the delver is removed from the bath.